The Power of Going First: How Solo Travel Builds Confidence and Connection

Sometimes the most transformative journeys begin when we choose to go first—sharing the real story, asking the deeper question, and stepping into the unknown. In this episode, Gavin reflects on how a solo group trip to Portugal helped him rediscover his confidence, embrace his authentic self, and spark meaningful connections that turned strangers into close friends.

We talk about solo travel as a reset during life transitions, the courage it takes to show up vulnerably, and how creating space for real conversations can change not just your trip—but your life. Whether you’re craving adventure, reflection, or connection, this episode is a reminder that solo travel doesn’t mean going it alone.

🗺️ Join us as we unpack what it really means to travel open.

Transcript

Gavin (00:00)
my heart kind of stops and I'm like, wait, should I tell the story?

because I think if I told it, you know, they would think it was funny and we could get to know each other a little more. And I said, okay, I'm going to do it.

and they're just like, my gosh, that's crazy, wow. Other people in front of us, I could tell, are kind of hearing it. I see people turn around.

the whole time I'm like saying, my God, is this too much? I saying too much? But they kept asking questions, so I assumed it wasn't.

Kelli Wall (00:24)
Welcome to Solo Travel Unpacked, where we explore the world one solo travel story at a time.

I'm your host Kelli and I believe that solo travel.

is a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and connection.

Each episode, we'll meet a different solo and hear their insights, experiences, and lessons learned.

We'll also take a look at a key solo travel topic

to give you the tools and inspiration for your own adventure.

It's time to hear from today's guest and unpack another solo travel story.

Kelli Wall (00:53)
Sometimes the biggest journeys we take aren't just about the places we go.

They're about who we become along the way.

My guest today is Gavin, who set out on a solo trip during a time of transition in his life.

what started as an escape from a rut.

turned into a powerful experience of connection, and self-discovery.

not just for him, but the people that he traveled with.

And it's a familiar story for many solo travelers.

with more than 25 % of solo travelers saying they've taken a trip to reset, reflect, or process a life change.

For Gavin, it was all of the above.

about how solo travel can build your confidence, reshape your identity, and open you up to new perspectives.

but also how Gavin helped create a space for a deep connection within his travel group.

by leaning into honest conversations.

and being willing to go first with vulnerability.

he sparked something special.

something that made a group of strangers feel like lifelong friends by the end of the trip.

This episode is a beautiful blend of self-reflection and human connection. I can't wait for you to hear it.

Kelli Wall (02:00)
Gavin, welcome to Solo Travel Unpacked. I'm so excited to have you here. And I'd love for listeners to get to know a little bit about you. So you shared that you grew up on a dirt road surrounded by farmland and family in the country. You were the first in your family to go to college, and now you're working in real estate development. That's a powerful journey in and of itself. Before we get into our main topic about solo travel, can you tell us a little bit about yourself outside of travel?

Gavin (02:26)
Yeah, for sure. Firstly, I'm really excited to be here. Thank you for having me. It's cool to get to do this with a face that was on my life-changing solo travel trip. So yeah, life before the trip, I was working my dream job, still there.

I started right out of college at that point, the trip that I was on with you, I was 10 years into my career at the same company. You said real estate development, essentially what I do is I lead a team and we make deals with landowners to purchase their land and turn it into a house of development. So basically I'm the bad guy from a Hallmark movie. But we give these people

millions of dollars and they're very happy to work with the bad guy. ⁓

Kelli Wall (03:07)
Well, doesn't a person in

the Hallmark movie, doesn't that turn out really great at the end? That's like the role of a Hallmark movie.

Gavin (03:13)
Yeah,

one day I'll fall in love with the owner, but yeah, not yet. I did play piano for an owner once, but she was literally 90 years old,

Kelli Wall (03:21)
one day. So I want to dig into and again, we'll get to the more to the solo travel part. But you grew up in a country, know, you shared that with us, you're close to your family when you're growing up. What was young Gavin like? Did you always have this adventurous streak in you?

Gavin (03:36)
Yeah, it's funny to hear you call me adventurous because I don't even think I consider myself adventurous, but I should probably give myself...

Kelli Wall (03:39)
Yeah.

If you do solo travel,

solo travel to me, you've got to be a little adventurous if you're going to do it.

Gavin (03:49)
Yeah, I gotta give myself more credit. I guess I am. So yeah, Young Gavin on a dirt road, on this dirt road was my grandparents. It was great aunts and uncles and lots of cousins. And it was fun. I didn't know what I had when I had it, but every day we, it was really our kingdom. So it was like all family owned land. We had fields, we had woods and.

My imagination was able to grow because we would create a house or a factory or a bakery in the middle of the woods and that would be our spot. We would ride dirt bikes down the path. I would leave the house. My mom would know that I was somewhere on the dirt road and I'd be going for hours. So that's where it all started.

Kelli Wall (04:28)
And now you're still in that housing. Now you're building real houses. you were surrounded by family and I will say you are adventurous, but how do you think those early life experiences shape the way that you show up now in new environments and how you connect with people, especially specific to this topic of traveling?

Gavin (04:45)
Yeah, that's a good question. So my dad was a pastor

I was at church functions all the time. And an interesting thing about being the pastor's kid at church or at a church function is

you're there early, you're there late, and often you're just connecting with whoever's there in front of you. And when you're the pastor's kids, you also get a lot of attention because everybody knows who you are. So from a pretty young age, I was having to carry conversations with adults or with older kids or with younger kids. It was just, I was there. I had to talk to who else was there. And I don't think I realized it until I got to college, but...

It was a unique experience to spend that much time with people of different age groups. And I think that just sparked this curiosity to get to know people, even if they wouldn't be someone who I naturally would get to know.

Kelli Wall (05:34)
I think that would call, I think we would call you wise beyond your years, likely in those conversations that you were having with adults all the time.

Gavin (05:43)
Yeah, they would say things like that.

Kelli Wall (05:45)
And I have to say hi to Nora. Hi, Nora. I love a camera from a kitty. Hi. Sorry, Gavin, she's the star now.

Gavin (05:47)
Yeah. Here's Nora. Hello.

That's she should be. She'll run away and come back many times during this recording.

Kelli Wall (05:59)
I can't wait for another cameo. Hendrix, I hope you can't hear, is beating down my door. Hendrix is my orange cat, who would be an absolute menace if he was in here, so we'll keep him locked out. But you mentioned college, and I know that in our conversations, you said that it was a huge period of growth for you. So what were some of the biggest mindset shifts you experienced during that time?

Gavin (06:21)
Yeah, man, college really rocked my world. was not something that was talked about when I was a kid. We didn't do a lot outside of our little town. We would go to the beach, we would go to the mountains, we would come see some shows and whatnot in Raleigh, which is where I live now. That was the closest big city.

But I generally was around people were a lot like me and a lot like my family. And from a pretty young age, I honestly just didn't feel like I fit in with those people.

I didn't do sports. I didn't like hunting. I didn't like fishing. Everyone had their thing. They had their identity. had their hobbies. And I was just a nerdy little kid. I liked to play with maps and read books about

disasters like famous hurricanes and tornadoes and the Titanic. I had a Titanic moment where I was obsessed with the Titanic. Like I was just this quirky kid who liked things that other people didn't like and

I was fun when I was younger, but by the time I got to like late middle school and high school, it became really clear that like I was different. I don't want to sound dramatic. Like I had friends, it was okay. But I, I always like inside was kind of fighting this battle of who am I and why do I feel

Kelli Wall (07:27)
Yeah.

Gavin (07:34)
more, I'm thinking about different things than everyone around me is thinking about. So when I went off to college, it wasn't that far away. I went to UNC, Go Heels, about an hour and a half away. people there came from all walks of life. And interestingly, they were nerdy like me. They liked weird things like me. And I felt safe to explore those interests.

I felt safe to be quirky. When you grow up in a small, I was in a small city, it wasn't really a small town, but when you grow up in an environment with people who largely have been there and their families have been there, there's not a lot of room to be quirky and to be different. So I kind of just would get into my shell and try to conform to everyone else. And when I went to college,

I started off doing that. I wore my preppy clothes and I had the Zac Efron hair And I like would dabble with showing my quirks and people liked it and they would latch onto it. And I had this like weird but exciting experience my first semester of college where I would kind of like push the limits with how quirky can I be and people still accept me.

and I felt that they liked me more.

It helped other people then feel safe to be quirky and yeah, it was just really cool. I started to find myself. I felt like I was a quiet kid in school, but then in college I was enjoying meeting people. I felt like I found my personality. And my worldview had to start shifting because suddenly I was around people who thought differently than me and had had different experiences than me. So from politics to faith,

to just how I treated and felt about people who were different. All of that had to start shifting and I say it like it happened quickly. It was definitely a journey. But bring that all together, college was transformational and I left pretty different than I had arrived.

Kelli Wall (09:31)
That's so incredibly special to be able to be exactly who you are and to have people like you for it and accept you for it. And I just, that's such a beautiful story about like, you're so, you're just kind of like, let me test the waters here. Okay, come back. Let me test the waters. And then to finally be like, it's okay. And I, I'm so glad that you had that moment and you're surrounded by those people that were accepting of you. Cause that is, it sounds like this is a Gavin that I've gotten to know and he's really special. I.

I love that that was a moment for you.

Gavin (10:03)
Yeah, thanks for saying that.

Kelli Wall (10:04)
Yeah, so I know that we're gonna jump into solo travel, but I know you've also traveled to Europe and Hawaii and Mexico and usually with friends. What originally drew you to travel? know

Gavin (10:12)
Yeah.

Kelli Wall (10:15)
small towns, you're surrounded by a lot of family, you're in the church a lot. How was your relationship with travel kind of in the beginning and how has it evolved?

Gavin (10:22)
I mentioned earlier, we went to the beach. I grew up in Eastern North Carolina. We were like an hour and a half from beautiful beaches. another big plug for North Carolina, let me be an ad here, is we have some of the best mountains in the country. We have the highest mountains on the East Coast. So we went to the mountains a lot, we went to the beach a lot, and that was travel. And honestly,

Compared to a lot of the people I grew up around, I felt privileged to get to go to the beach and mountains once a year.

Yeah, so I hadn't, I really hadn't traveled that much, even though I felt like I had seen the world. It's just that the world was North Carolina. I had an aunt, my mom's sister, who she wasn't married. She didn't have kids and her career had been her life and she had traveled.

all over the world, all over the country, and she had lived in some cool places. And she treated my sister and me like we were her kids when she was in town. She gave us all the gifts. When I graduated high school, she gifted me a trip to visit her, and she just so happened at that time to live in Very cool place to go. So at 18 years old, I go to Maui for 10 days with her.

she had to work some while I was there and I spent some solo time in Maui. I would drop her off at work and then take her car around and that was very new for me to be in a different place, a forward place all by myself and that trip really as I reflect back on it that is where I connected travel to growth and self-reflection.

I had gotten a journal for graduation and the first entries I wrote in that journal, which I still have, were on that trip. And I was so nervous about going to college and I just wrote about like my dreams of who I wanted to be. Maui's a beautiful place. Maui's a slow and quiet place. So I think the beauty of Maui, the...

stillness of Maui just put me in a place to harness all those emotions I was having about graduating high school and going away to college into a lot of reflection and a lot of And that was a really cool experience for me and that sort of framed how I would connect to travel in the

Kelli Wall (12:26)
I love

the thoughtfulness and the mindfulness of that experience versus just kind of the surface level of, yeah, the beaches are beautiful. It was an amazing trip, but more the transformative of how it was for you. And by the way, I came to vacation in North Carolina as a child as well. So that is a beach that I am very familiar with coming to as a kid, but I get it. We were the same, right? We would go to...

Gavin (12:45)
Hahaha

Kelli Wall (12:52)
Tennessee and North Carolina too, but it was special and it still is special. maybe I met Gavin on, maybe we met on a beach, show me your kids. Full circle moment. I would love that as well. But it's so interesting. you talk about, again, I've been talking with other guests about how a lot of times when people think about solo travel, it's these grand trips around the world, which is where I met you, but.

Gavin (13:03)
I would just love if that was how our journey began.

Kelli Wall (13:21)
Travel, doesn't have to be that way, right? mean, Hawaii is grand as well, right? But there's so many different types of solo travel, but it sounds like on that trip, that's when you really look back and started to have that experience of being solo in this new environment. So if we dig deeper into solo travel now, Gavin and I, if you guys haven't picked up on this, know each other from a trip to Portugal. That is how we met. So I wanna dig more about this trip and about Gavin and how that influenced you. So when you went to Portugal,

You were coming off a season of big change, processing a breakup, reflecting on your identity and faith. What pushed you to say, I need to take this trip?

Gavin (13:58)
trip in Portugal, which was fall of 2023, came after three years of a lot of life change for me. COVID was crazy for all of us, right? Like just the complete shift in what everyday life looked like was a catalyst for a lot of change and a lot of people, some positive, some negative.

lot of how I saw the world began to shift.

I found myself the beginning of 2023 with a lot to work through and you know, I just don't think I was ready to work through it all. So I felt a bit overwhelmed.

And I got to the summer of that year and work was tough at that moment. And I was just exhausted and recognizing that I wanted to get away. I wanted to do something. I remembered the trip to Hawaii. I remembered a trip I had taken in college to Nicaragua and how those moments came and really, they came at really important milestones in my life. And

Getting out of my everyday routine just allowed me to think about things and process in a way that I just couldn't do while living the routine. So that's what I was seeking. One, I wanted to have fun. And two, yeah, I needed an escape.

Kelli Wall (15:15)
And I know you had done travel. We talked about that before. And typically you've gone with some travel buddies. So did the idea of traveling alone, again, we are on this solo group trip. Did that feel intimidating or exciting or maybe a little bit of both?

Gavin (15:28)
You know, it was a little bit of both. When I decided I wanted to take the trip...

My first reactions were I'm disgusted because all my friends who I used to travel with can't travel with me anymore because they're having kids. I was 32, which I recognize is not that old, but for the life I had lived up to that point, I felt old because I was surrounded by people who generally had moved on to the next phase of life already. I remember as a kid, I thought I would get married at 23 and that I would have three kids by 30. Like that is what, if you had asked me in high school,

would have still told you yeah I'm gonna get married at 23 and have three kids by 30. That sounds ludicrous now, but like that's that's the environment I grew up in and that's what I wanted for myself. So I'm at 32, not married, thankfully I do not have three kids, I wanted to take this trip reach out to a couple friends who are still single.

So these friends were interested in actually one of my friends and I we met and started planning and we were like, what should we do? And we looked into group and we were looking at all these different sorts of groups we take a trip to Europe with. And then we...

We got hot about it and then we sort of slowed the process down. But because I spent three days looking into all these groups, I started getting ads for group travel. And I get an ad one day for a company called Flashpack.

Actually, I probably got an ad for that seven days in a row for a company called Flashpack. I click it and it's for people only in their 30s or 40s, which was interesting because one of the downsides had been to travel with people who were younger and maybe in a different mindset. But you had to go solo and was intimidating.

But I remembered that the trip that I had taken in college was also with strangers. And that part of it actually ended up being really cool. So although it was uncomfortable, I started getting excited about the idea. And then I told my friend, I'm...

I'm toying with this idea and she was like, that sounds fun. And then she booked a Flash Pack within days. I was still nervous about it. Imagining all the worst case scenarios, but over the next month and I literally mean a month, it me forever to commit. But over the next month, I found that the excitement started to outweigh the intimidation. And I just got to a place where it felt like.

Kelli Wall (17:35)
Thank

Gavin (17:51)
very much what I wanted to and what I needed to do.

Kelli Wall (17:54)
well, you might not have three kids, but you do have a sweet kitty, Nora, that I'm waiting for her to cruise back into the camera. she's still there. I love it. And I was going to ask about your Nicaragua trip and how that influenced, but you did touch on that, that you had some experience going on this trip with strangers before. So it sounds like that did give you a little bit of confidence in booking this trip to Portugal. Is that right?

Gavin (18:03)
She's still creeping. Yeah.

Yeah, that trip also

at a time after I had been processing a lot. My sophomore year of college was my toughest year, really my only tough year. College was wonderful, but that year I had a lot of tough things happen. wanted to push myself. And at that point, it was a bit different than where I was in 2023. But at that point, I wanted to push myself to do something adventurous and out of my comfort zone physically. And it was a service trip.

in Nicaragua, which if you don't know this, it's the second poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. And we were specifically going to be working with people who lived in squalor and balancing that with some adventure. was all for college guys and like the whole premise is you serve and then you also grow through putting yourself through these challenges, if you will.

Kelli Wall (19:09)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Gavin (19:10)
I showed up so nervous and so intimidated because I was not an adventurous person. I felt like I could not make it through a difficult hike. I felt like I would be terrified to spend the night camping in the jungle, but I wanted to do it. Like I wanted to do that.

I did not expect this, getting to know the other people on the trip actually turned out to be the sweetest part of it. So that was just always in the back of my mind when I was planning this solo travel trip a couple years ago.

Kelli Wall (19:40)
And that's the perfect segue because

You said that being around new people and stepping outside of your routine gives you joy. How did that play out on the Portugal trip?

Gavin (19:48)
Yeah, so I've always found that it

me happy to just get to know someone. I've like flirted with this idea for years that I want to quit my job and start an Instagram account where I just go around town interviewing people like humans of New York. I'll probably never do that. But

Kelli Wall (20:04)
Mm-hmm.

Gavin (20:08)
I just find it really stimulating and honestly sometimes healing to get to know a new person and hear their story. Because I knew that was truth of myself, that was one of the things that made me want to do this. You know, on the trip, I showed up a day late because my flight got canceled. It was a whole thing.

And I was like, I showed up really nervous. I was afraid everyone would have already connected without me. And I got there and everyone was still kind of in that timid stage. There was there was still this tension because people had spent one night together and they had done like a morning walk that day. So the environment was still very ripe for getting to know other people.

It was a cooking class the first day. And that's a, it's easy and casual and you're not forced with one person. You can kind of like walk around. There's a mix of the instructor leading the cooking class and then us just kind of talking and doing it ourselves. And I just was quickly disarmed by the knowledge that everyone felt the same nervousness and excitement that I also felt.

Kelli Wall (20:52)
Mm-hmm.

Gavin (21:14)
I smile a lot, you're probably seeing that right now. Like when I get nervous, I smile. And I just like kept smiling and engaging with different people in the group and they would smile back and we would have conversation. And I just pretty quickly, I was like, okay, I think this is going to be good. I think we're going to connect. And I started like making up stories in my head of each person. Like, wonder, I wonder who they really are. I wonder what they're about. And I was just, I was just waiting for the moment to actually get to know.

everyone.

Kelli Wall (21:45)
Yeah, I remember that moment and you're exactly right. Cause you were supposed to be on my flight over to Portugal. Yes, you were supposed to be on my flight. remember you missing the evening cause you weren't there and then being there to greet us. when we went to the cooking class, I remember it very specifically. And it's interesting you talk on the vibe because you're so right. You're still, we had done like one dinner the night before.

Gavin (21:51)
that's right!

Kelli Wall (22:08)
And that was it. And then a little walking tour with a guide. So right, you're making some small talk, but there is still nerves, right? You're trying to like fill out the group Everybody's trying to like get to know each other, you know, and then we show up to this cooking class and there's Gavin. So Gavin, do you remember when the vibe of the group really shifted towards vulnerability and openness? And what do you think made that happen?

Gavin (22:30)
Yeah, it was the next day.

So we had the part of the trip that I think everyone most dreaded. We had a five hour van ride, something like that. Maybe it was six hours. It was a pretty long ride in the van and everybody's like, we're just gonna be in the van all day. And I actually was kind of looking forward to it because I was like, this is gonna be good. Cause I'll be stuck around some people and we'll just be forced to get to know each other.

Kelli Wall (22:42)
long.

Gavin (22:54)
So I'm in the back of the van and someone starts talking about something that triggers this connection point, this opportunity for me to talk about this pretty wild story I had from the last year that was really vulnerable. And I'm not going to tell that story here,

but I, like, my heart kind of stops and I'm like, wait, should I tell the story?

because I think if I told it, you know, they would think it was funny and we could get to know each other a little more. And I said, okay, I'm going to do it. So I tell the story and there's like, originally there's three other people that I'm having this conversation with.

and they're just like, my gosh, that's crazy, wow. Other people in front of us, I could tell, are kind of hearing it. I see people turn around. The person in the front ended up joining the conversation, or the person right in front of me ended up joining the conversation. So after I...

tell my story and people asked me some follow-up questions. I really ended up going from a specific story to like my life story, which the whole time I'm like saying, my God, is this too much? I saying too much? But they kept asking questions, so I assumed it wasn't.

then I was like, okay, I've got to take the light off of me. So I turned and I start, I knew one of them was co-parenting with an ex and I was like, you mentioned that, that's really interesting. How's that going? And then she kind of told

her life story and then the woman beside her starts kind of telling her life story and we're just in the back of the bus. It's summer camp. I mean we're sitting there with the flashlights on telling our stories and the people in the front you know they're like who are these crazies in the back. That's when it started and then after lunch

When we got back on the bus, I decided to sit in the front, switch it up. A few people were switching up seats. Like somebody was like, we should sit with different people. And I was like, okay. So I sit in the front and of course they're like, what was going on back there? What is that I heard? So then I had to tell the story again and basically the same process happened. And Kelli, was, it was really beautiful because one of the women in the group had just come out of a horrible breakup.

one of the women had a parent who had recently passed away. One of the women had struggled with a lot of mental illness and it was excruciating to listen to and there were tears. There were tears by multiple people on that van ride and I don't think anyone expected that at all but it just unfolded so naturally and when we arrived at our destination we...

were kind of like best friends. mean, maybe that's a lot to say, but the vibe was definitely different.

Kelli Wall (25:27)
And I know this episode is all about you, but when I asked you when the vibe of the group shifted and what do you think made that happen? If I can answer that, I can answer it in one word. It was you. mean, I'm truly, I can say that. Like you just came in and you broke the ice by being vulnerable and opening up and being exactly who you were. And if I flash forward to the bus ride,

from any outsider would have looked like just a normal, ordinary bus ride, nothing special. I specifically remember, because I'm car sick in front of the bus, I remember sitting up front with you and Ella and Arfa and having this conversation and having this moment of we are all from such different backgrounds, different ethnicities, we grew up differently, different life stories, but here we are on the same bus in this same moment.

Gavin (26:02)
You

Kelli Wall (26:20)
you know, having this, this moment together and it was really beautiful. I still remember. I, I saw, was picking up on this story the first time you told it in the front, but it was truly, it was such a beautiful moment and I have, I've never forgotten it. It was just, it was absolutely incredible. And honest to God, it was because of you, it truly for being vulnerable enough to put yourself out there, to make other people feel comfortable enough to open up as well. It was, was really special.

Gavin (26:50)
Yeah, thanks for saying that. actually, I did not remember it until you were just talking, but I remember you were one of the last to open up. And I remember when you did it, it was, was kind of like an explosion, like, okay, I'll go now. And you also, like everyone had this, like not, it wasn't always gut wrenching, but like this like wrenching story about like, hey, this is my life and this is why I'm here. And I remember thinking later that night, I was

you know.

If you were in your 30s and 40s and you're doing solo travel, there's a story. There's something there. Your life probably doesn't look the way that you thought it was going to look because if you had a spouse and a kid and kids at this point, which is what society makes us all think is going to happen when we're in our 20s.

you're not going to be here. So, you know, some people were like, they never wanted that anyways. Some people had wanted it and they were heartbroken. Some people had had it and didn't have it anymore. We all came from different places, but like, I was like, wait a second. I am like specifically with a group of people who have stories. And that was cool.

Kelli Wall (27:58)
Yeah, if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plan, right? I that's what they say. Yeah. So it's so true. And honestly, this is why I'm doing this podcast because truly everybody has a story and everybody's story deserves to be told. And really that moment was the, the aha moment and the light going off that I remember you saying again, Gavin, you're like, I was excited to come see Portugal, but I was more excited about the people that I was going to meet.

Gavin (28:02)
Exactly. Yeah.

Kelli Wall (28:26)
And it was such a lens that I hadn't looked through, right? Because I just was like, I just want to travel. I just want to see the world. I lost all my travel buddies, similar to you, married and or kids or for whatever reason. So for me, it was a means to see the world. I hadn't looked at it the way that you had. And I'm so glad that I do now I have enjoyed getting to know the people just as much, if not more than the places. So honest to God, thank you. It just has made it so special.

We had all of these moments, but Gavin, was there a moment specific to you and the Portugal trip where you thought this is exactly what I needed?

Gavin (29:03)
Yeah, okay, that's a great question. So if I think about what I needed, it was rest and reflection and fun and escape and like genuine connection because I knew for me that was something that I was looking for.

Kelli Wall (29:08)
you

Gavin (29:18)
So I remember there were like four legs to our trip. The third one was the quietest one. We were at the nicest hotel. It was a resort. It was on the beach. We had a lot of free time. There was a pool. There was a spa. It was just the one where we all kind of chilled out.

Kelli Wall (29:37)
Mm-hmm.

Gavin (29:38)
The excursions were yoga, sunset yoga on the beach, which was amazing. And like, I think all of us in that moment had this opportunity to like really reflect and like soak in what had been happening. And then the other excursion, that trip was a surf lesson, which I think for our group as a whole, that was the most

adventurous thing, the thing that we were like most nervous to all do because we weren't surfers.

Kelli Wall (30:01)
Yeah. ⁓

Gavin (30:06)
And it's kind of embarrassing to like try to surf in front of people. So it felt like that was, that was the... Yeah, and we're wearing wetsuits.

Kelli Wall (30:06)
Christ.

In the wetsuit.

Gavin (30:14)
wants to be seen in a wetsuit. So like, that was the moment I think we all had to be the most vulnerable because we're doing the thing that is the most uncomfortable. So, okay, imagine that. The resort, the quietness, the reflection, the like spiritual yoga on the beach, the...

Kelli Wall (30:20)
Mm-hmm.

Gavin (30:29)
we're so nervous. We're going to do a surf lesson. But then of course we loved it and it went really well and we failed and we laughed at each other. So all that had happened, right? That's the headspace I'm in. And we have dinner at the hotel that night, which is what we did every night that we were there. We just had dinner together at the hotel at this really long table and we were loud and obnoxious. And I'm sure everyone else at the hotel was like, who are these people? And that night at dinner,

someone made the comment like, Gavin, you've really changed the vibe of the group and have gotten us all talking. And made me feel special, of course, but also like when that was said, I was like, whoa, I came for like fun and relaxation and some growth, but

I never expected that I would be the one that someone's calling out as like making a difference on the trip. This was all about me. Like this trip was very much my journey and my reflection. And now someone's telling me that my presence had impacted their journey and their reflection. So that was kind of like the last piece. Like I had gotten a lot of the things I needed up to that point. And then I got some that I didn't know I needed, but that I did.

Kelli Wall (31:20)
Mm-hmm.

Gavin (31:39)
that was also the first of two times where we had a session of saying special things about each other. And a couple other people said some really kind things that just made me realize that the trip was about more than I thought it was.

Kelli Wall (31:52)
Yeah, and I'm not sure who said it at the table. And I've got some pictures from those dinners that I'm gonna drop in to the video of theirs. So if you're watching on YouTube, you'll be able to see those. I'm not sure who said that at dinner, but it is so true. It was just such special moments because I should say on these trips, well, we were a little bit out in the middle of nowhere at this hotel, but otherwise you don't have to like go to dinner as a group, but we always did.

We always stick to stuck together as a group, even when it was optional. So I want to jump into a little bit more self discovery because as you said, this trip was all about you. You've shared that this trip helped you rediscover your confidence and recognize what you bring to a group. What did you learn about yourself that you hadn't fully seen before?

Gavin (32:34)
so I've kind of hit on a few of these things, but just to summarize again to answer the question, in high school I was shy, didn't have a lot of self-confidence. In college I began to find my personality, find my identity, build some self-confidence. I think prior to this trip I knew that I enjoyed

getting to know people. I kind of latched on to two buzzwords when I was a younger adult, vulnerability and authenticity as things that were really important to me. I wanted to be vulnerable and be authentic because I felt like those things would breed that in others around me. So I knew all this, but again, it all felt like these were just traits of mine that helped make up my

identity. I think being told that like that's the role I played that I was the connector.

made me realize like these aren't just things that I do for myself to get to know other people. But this is maybe like if I can be dramatic like part of my purpose like no matter what group I find myself in if it's at work if it's with friends if it's with strangers traveling like this is a way that I can impact others. And at that point in life as we've talked about you know I showed up on that trip

in a vulnerable place and feeling unhappy about where I was in life. So just to

find a bit of purpose, even if it was just harnessing things that I knew to be true of myself, but maybe I didn't quite realize how they impacted others. That was really identity for me. And yeah, it built confidence. I felt like I was just a mess before the trip because of all the things I'd been processing that I mentioned earlier in the interview. And I remember when one person on the trip shared with me, she's like, do you know the concept of self-actualization?

Maslov's period of self-actualization from psychology and I'm like yeah I remember that from psychology 101. She's like I think you have I think you've met self-actualization because you are comfortable enough with your authentic self that you make that come out in others and I was just floored I was like me?

Comfortable in my authentic self what I have done nothing but change the last three years. What is my authentic self? I'm a mess Like that was my initial reaction and then I just churned over her saying that and I was like, whoa The work I've been doing the last three years that has made me feel like a mess has actually like formed who I am and like That is a foundation

to come back to what I was saying a minute ago for like me to have purpose. So yeah, I mean, I know this is, this is all a lot and I hope none of this sounds arrogant, but just for me and in my, my like journey to building who I am and gaining confidence in myself, like this like niche of my personality, if you will, like became the thing that

could contribute to my world. And that made me feel good. And I came back and I was like, okay, actually, maybe I'm not as much of a mess as I think I am. And I think I wanna keep this going. I think I wanna like lean into, I'm not searching for authenticity or vulnerability, but like I found it and I wanna spread it.

Kelli Wall (35:47)
It's really powerful. You have a beautiful way of feeling, of making people feel at ease and making people feel safe. I think that's not a word that we've said yet, but that's a word that's coming to my mind now is safe. Right? You create this environment that not only can I be vulnerable, but I feel safe doing it. I don't feel an obligation doing it. I don't feel like I owe it to anybody. I feel safe enough to share.

because of what you're bringing to the table. And that's really powerful. It is special, Gavin, and authentic is another word that really stuck out to me. By being just exactly who you are is what created this group dynamic. And it truly was so special. I've done a few other group trips and every group has a different dynamic, right? But none that were so vulnerable and open as this group. And it's just something I will forever treasure.

And to build on that, so looking back, how do you think your willingness to open up and ask real questions shaped this group dynamic? And I know this is what we've been talking about, but if you could just kind of articulate what that looked like or what that felt like to you or what that really did to the group, I'm curious how you look at it.

Gavin (37:03)
Yeah, well everything you just said was very kind, Kelli.

I learned when I was in college to go back to that journey that.

Being quirky, being who you are, actually makes people like you more and feel more comfortable. So I showed up, one cool thing about showing up on a trip with strangers is like, you've got nothing to lose. If you don't ever want to see or hear from these people again, you sure don't have to. I did, I wanted to, you we've all gotten together, but.

Kelli Wall (37:24)
Exactly right.

Gavin (37:29)
When I, if I get back to that moment on the bus when Alex, he was the one who said something that made me think, wait, do I want to tell this like crazy, weird, embarrassing story about myself? I was like, yeah, what do I have to lose? What do I have to lose? What the hell? I'll tell the story. So it really, it was just being willing.

Kelli Wall (37:47)
Mm-hmm.

Gavin (37:52)
to be silly and be open. made others feel the same way. If you're someone who's thinking about doing solo travel, you're definitely feeling some level of nervousness around it, right? Just remember everyone is like when you show up, everyone is in the same boat. Everyone's nervous and that level of tension breeds excitement and really it magnifies things. If you're silly, if you say,

Kelli Wall (38:02)
Yeah.

Gavin (38:15)
things that are vulnerable, it's just gonna set the vibe of the group.

Kelli Wall (38:19)
And I think I just keep coming back to authentic, right? If people are just exactly who they are, people just, to me, that's just a deeper appreciation of someone versus someone who feels like they've got to be somebody they're not. So I think there was just this authenticity of the group of everybody to be exactly who they were. And I remember this culmination of our last night, we had had this rainy boat ride, the only time we saw rain the whole time.

We had this rainy boat ride and this dinner and some amazing karaoke. And then we go back to the hotel where I'm guessing most groups are probably like, right, see y'all later. We're going to bed. Not our group. We decided that we were all going to get together. I think it was in you and Alex's hotel room. And we're all going to have this moment before we start to go home, right? So we had this moment of everyone in the hotel room. We're crying. You know, it's, it's really stayed with me. You've got the whole group there. Why do you think?

that depth of connection happened so quickly, right? This is six, seven days later after we had met, we were complete strangers. Here we are crying in a hotel room because we're all gonna go back home and we've just had such an incredible experience together.

Gavin (39:28)
Yeah, so I think

this is what is so beautiful about solo group travel. You just said it, we've been together for seven days. If you think about the interactions that you have in life, I feel like you can categorize them in three categories. One is like your inner circle of friends where you have a deep connection, but it happens slowly and over the course of time. And then you think of your outer circle of friends.

with whom you catch up with, you know, occasionally, but it's for two hours. You're sitting over dinner. You're only seeing one side of them. You're catching up a bit. Maybe you get deep, but it's a bit one-dimensional. And then you have just acquaintances, people you interact with, coworkers, other people at a restaurant, right, where you stay surface level. So if you think about...

this trip you get to interact with strangers in a lot of different environments. So we had seen each other's like cranky morning selves. We had seen each other's I'm sitting on a van for hours selves. We had done adventures together and like seen each other be nervous or be exciting or be a bit silly. And we seen each other at

tipsy after dinner drinks, specifically that night after the rainy boat ride, in which we did see maybe a little crankiness in each other because like that was supposed to be the big moment, the final excursion of the trip we got on a boat and the weather was horrible. So we like we kind of went through this moment together, right? And I would imagine every group trip is going to have this moment of like things not turning out the way it was supposed to. So we've been through that moment. We had our final dinner. We had drinks and we did karaoke.

and can I say it maybe turned into drunk karaoke. And the quietest one in our group I remember when he got up there and gave an incredible performance. He had everyone in the room laughing and on their feet. We were like, what? Like, who is this guy? So like...

Kelli Wall (41:04)
was perfect.

Gavin (41:20)
We had just done such a variety of things together, even though it had been seven days, I felt like we knew each other super well. It's like summer camp. That is what summer camp is when you're a kid. You go away and you come back and these are your closest friends. Why? Because you spent...

a sequential period of time together and you saw each other in different environments throughout the course of that week or that month. So yeah, we get to the hotel room that night and we realized this our last night together and we feel like best friends and we didn't know we would see each other again. I don't know if you remember this love this little game. My friends hate me for this honestly but I love

Kelli Wall (42:02)
I know what you're gonna say.

Gavin (42:03)
I

love the little game of like, okay, let's all go in a circle and like, I'll say one thing we love about each person. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna bring up the game. And everybody was like, okay, that sounds fun. And we did it and we just started crying because that's what you do when you're sitting in a circle with 10 people who I'll tell you what they love about you. It was a really cool moment.

Kelli Wall (42:25)
It was really cool and it was really powerful. mean, the things that we were saying were not just surface level. You know, they were really true, genuine, thoughtful things that people were saying. I still remember it. It was, to it was a powerful night and it was so authentic. Again, I know I keep saying that word, but everybody was just comfortable and safe enough that they were able to be vulnerable and just be their true selves. It was such a...

a beautiful moment so Gavin, I know I've used the word authentic a couple of times. So if someone is listening and wants to create a more authentic connection while traveling, or even just in their everyday life, what's one question or mindset

you suggest they try.

Gavin (43:04)
Yeah, I mean, I'll also use the word again. I think like this mantra, vulnerability leads to vulnerability, authenticity leads to authenticity. Like if you go in thinking, I'm going to be who I am, I'm going to boldly share with others who I am, you're going to make others feel comfortable and safe to what you said earlier to do the same thing. And that's how you get to know people.

The 13 people on our trip were each so different. We came from so many different backgrounds and like it's a bit intimidating to share who you are with people who are really different from you. But I think that's why it was so powerful for us because that's not something that everyday life allows to happen.

And that's like, that's, why you do this kind of thing. Like that's why I wanted to take this journey because it was a pause from the mundane. It was a pause from the everyday life. And when you put yourself in an environment,

where that tension exists

and you're nervous, say that you're nervous. Because guess what? Other people are too. If you're experiencing something that's really cool, really exciting,

and you're like, wow, why do I think this is so cool and so exciting? Am I being weird for it? Say it. Say this is the coolest thing I've ever done because other people may be feeling that too. If you appreciate someone, if someone has like brought out something in you that maybe you didn't expect to experience, tell them. Like I think that is...

Such a shame that we often experience these emotions or have these thoughts about each other that we don't share because it's weird to share. Like, I don't need to tell everyone that I'm having the best night of my life. I don't need to tell her that she just helped me learn something new about myself. No, you do. You need to tell people because they are going to then say that too. And that is something that was unlocked for our group and made it feel so special.

Kelli Wall (44:53)
I totally agree. And I remember you even saying that on the trip about, you know, giving people more compliments. And if there's something exactly like you said, something somebody's made you feel something or a certain way is, is to share that because certainly we do not do that enough. So you had this really special transformative trip to Portugal. Gavin, I'm curious, do you think solo travel will continue to be a part of your life moving forward? Or is this just more of a turning point trip?

Gavin (45:20)
Yeah, good

I think I definitely want it to be a part of my life moving forward.

six months after our trip, we all got together. We said that night in the hotel room that we were gonna do it. And I at least left there thinking, no we're not, that's silly. We live all over the world. But we actually did it.

That's what I needed six months later, you know I wasn't you you did it a few people from our

Kelli Wall (45:38)
did.

Gavin (45:42)
did take another solo trip quickly after that But I was really excited to deepen the connections that I had in that moment For for me and maybe this is because

I put so much weight on the people part of it and on the emotion of a trip more than I'm just traveling the world and seeing something new. But for me, it's such an emotionally stimulating experience that I think I'm going to reserve it for those seasons where...

Kelli Wall (46:00)
Yeah.

Gavin (46:10)
I've experienced a lot of self-reflection and I want a bit of an escape. And I'm actually finding myself there recently. I again have had several months where some things have changed. had another relationship that ended and I've been looking at solo travel trips the last few weeks. So yeah, I don't think I'm going to be doing one a year, but I think every two, three, four years as life throws curve balls at me, it's going to be just what I need.

Kelli Wall (46:35)
Well, whatever solo group trip you end up on, they're very lucky to have you. So I say, Gavin, now that you've had this experience in Portugal and all of these life experiences that have led up to this, do you think young country Gavin, back with all of his family on the dirt road, do you think he'd be proud of the person you've become?

Gavin (46:50)
You

I think young country Gavin would be absolutely shocked that 34 year old Gavin doesn't have three kids.

I Kelli I do think I do think you'd be really proud of me. I have lived a very full life at this point and I'm super grateful for it. It is not what I expected when I was a kid. It's not what I expected when I was 20 and it's not what I expected when I was 25. But I've been able to build a lot of really neat friendships and I've had deep connections with a variety of people.

And those things have really shaped who I am and allowed me to get to a point where I feel very comfortable with my authentic self. To go back to what we said earlier, I think there's some purpose in that for me. That's what Gavin brings to earth.

So yeah, would young country Gavin be surprised and disappointed that the life he was expected to have didn't happen? Maybe, but if he'd listen to me a second, I think I could get him pretty proud of where we got to.

Kelli Wall (47:56)
Well,

I am proud of you. I even just listening to you speak. And of course, I didn't know young Gavin or college Gavin. I know Gavin, authentic Gavin, but I know what got you there. And I am certainly proud of you. it's really, again, special. The dynamic that you brought to our group completely changed the trip and truly made it incredible.

So we're getting towards the end here and I like to give my guests an opportunity to share a solo travel experience, a story that maybe was unforgettable, something that challenged you or stood out to you. Is there anything Gavin that you haven't shared yet that you wanna share?

Gavin (48:30)
Yeah, we've talked a lot about the Portugal trip, but let me share a moment from that trip to Nicaragua that I took when I was in college. So I mentioned earlier that part of my inspiration for that trip was to push myself physically and to put myself in some physically uncomfortable environments.

It turned out to be a really disorganized trip and it wasn't, don't worry, it was no like formal travel group. It was just some person who put this together, who I got connected to, who was not a company. It was, it was messy and there was a weekend that we went camping in the jungle, which I brought up earlier and I was so scared the whole time. We wanted to jump off of this cliff.

that was on the other side of the lake. But whether this was true or not, our leaders told us that the drive there was too dangerous because there were a lot of robbers on the road for us to do it, so we had to swim all the way across the lake. And this was a really big lake, a really big lake, and I wasn't a swimmer. And there were others in the group who also weren't swimmers.

Me and a couple of the other guys, we just backstroke, like back floated the like tickle, T, chicka, whatever that thing is, right? We did that across the lake and I swear it took an hour to get there.

Kelli Wall (49:43)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gavin (49:48)
didn't even jump off the cliff because I was scared to do it. And then it took an hour to get back. I was exhausted. In the moment, it felt like one of the worst days of my life. By the next day, I was like, that was actually really cool.

So that had happened. We get up the next morning, we're packing up to leave. There was like this cabin, we were sleeping outside, but there was a cabin that we had kept our stuff in. And I go in and I get my backpack, I put it on, I'm back outside, I feel something on my neck. And I go to swat it, whatever it is, it was a scorpion.

that had been in my backpack and crawled out of my backpack and I was just like, I am done. I am so over this weekend. Yeah, that trip pushed me. it built a lot of confidence because I survived, I got through it and I came back home and I was like, wow, I'm a pretty capable person.

Kelli Wall (50:25)
my god

I mean, as your guide or whoever the adult was, I'm thinking that I might take a chance with robbers and asking a bunch of people to swim across a lake and back. You're just asking for people to drown. That's, right, you made it.

Gavin (50:46)
You

Yeah, I

should point out our guides were, we were all in college and they were like 24, maybe 25.

Kelli Wall (51:00)
Thank you so much, Gavin, for coming on the episode today. I have loved getting to know you, but before we leave, we'll end today's episode with how we end every episode of Solo Travel Unpacked, and that's asking the guests the same three questions. So, first question.

Gavin (51:15)
Great.

Kelli Wall (51:16)
The advice I'd give to someone considering solo travel is...

Gavin (51:20)
The advice I'd give to someone considering solo travel is do it. Just commit. At worst, you have a very well planned trip. At best, it's transformative.

Kelli Wall (51:29)
My favorite part about solo travel is...

Gavin (51:32)
My favorite part about solo travel is meeting new people, hearing their stories. I think that's pretty obvious at this point.

Kelli Wall (51:41)
solo travels is...

Gavin (51:43)
Something I've learned about myself during my solo travels is I'm a lot more adventurous and capable than I think I am. Every trip pushes me and I come back more confident.

Kelli Wall (51:53)
love that. Gavin, thank you so much for sharing your story and your heart. Your openness, both on this trip and in this conversation, is such a beautiful reminder of how meaningful connection can come from simply being willing to go first, to ask the deeper question, to share the real authentic story, and to create a space for others to do the same and feel safe. I know your experience will inspire others to not only travel solo, but to travel open. Gavin.

Thank you so, much again. I am so thankful that our paths crossed on the trip to Portugal. You are an incredible human. I am so glad I've gotten to know.

Gavin (52:31)
Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me, Kelli. I feel the same.

Kelli Wall (52:33)
Of course. Thanks,

Gavin.

Kelli Wall (52:36)
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